Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
