5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
