This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
