You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
