I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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