I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
