Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize