she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
