college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
