Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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