I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Don't tell me you're on acid again
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
