Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
