Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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