is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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