can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
