All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
