The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize