I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize