This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
