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Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
