Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
40s are totally the cure
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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