Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize