I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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