is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
