Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
