Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize