I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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