part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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