That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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