I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
