There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
