Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
