i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
