Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just had sex on a roof
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
