If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
