But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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