so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
