No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize