I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
do nipples grow back?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
