I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
