I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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