got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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