I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
