im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
