Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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