Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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