I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
