that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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