...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
