Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize