You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
