I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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