I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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