i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Betty ford says i'm here all night
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
