I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
