all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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