we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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