i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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