she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
