It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
