Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I don't think brook has ever known best
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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