Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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