i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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