I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
