TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
