I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
