Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
